Now, those of you who have in-person contact with me know that my PDA is kind of my handler. As previously mentioned elsewhere in this blog, the illusion of organization I project is created by a web of scatterbrain management techniques. It’s all smoke and mirrors (and less glamourously, writing crap down).

Many years ago, when I got my first PDA, I went poking around for games or other interesting things to put on it. The two extras that have endured on there are “Your Mom” and “Easy I Ching.” “Your Mom” is pretty much what it sounds like. You tap the screen, and it insults your mom. It’s an entertaining way to pass a little time when you’re waiting for someone, or just bored, and it’s strangely compelling. A lot of the insults are pretty funny. They range from old standards like, “Your mom tried to enter an ugly contest, but they said sorry, no professionals,” or, “Your mom’s so tall, she did a backflip and kicked Jesus in the mouth,” or, “Your mom is so fat, after sex she smokes a ham,” to the more insulting, “Your mom’s so nasty, when she gets in the bathtub, the EPA comes over,” or, “Your mom’s so slutty, I could’ve been your daddy, but the guy in line behind me had exact change,” to creative double-whammies like, “Your mom is so generous, she’d give you the hair off her back,” to sort of geeky or mathematical ones like, “Suppose your mom is skinny, then there exists a domain her ass fits in contradiction, hence she has a huge ass” or “Your mom has an extremely large angular momentum,” or, “Your mom is so large that, in theory, she can see the universe dying around her,” or “The derivative of your mom is strictly positive.” Something for everyone.

“Easy I Ching” is also what it sounds like. It’s an I Ching program. Any time you need a little oracle wisdom, there it is, right on the old PDA. And somehow, it really seems to work. Better than that, though, if you try to consult it without meditating about your question, it tells you to relax and meditate about it, and who among us couldn’t use some of that?

So once you’ve done that, it shows you your hexagrams and then interprets them, describing images. I know this all sounds very fancy, but I like to use it to ask really mundane questions. For example, on Tuesday, I was pretty tired and I couldn’t decide whether I should make an effort and go to tap class or just stay home. So I whipped out my pocket oracle, and asked the I Ching. Under the hexagrams, it gave some interesting judgments, images and advice, but this was the part I really liked.

ADVICE: Travel

There is a journey of some kind to make. By nature you are something of a wanderer, a nomad, so travel of any description does not unsettle you. If it is difficult for you to put down roots, and make long-term commitments, you can still live a successful life within such a form. We do not all have to be rooted in a community to learn about life. If you are a person who needs to move around, take your principles and abilities with you, and learn about the human condition as you go. Always show respect to those whom you meet on your journey; small acts of kindness will reap large rewards. Any form of travel at this time would be beneficial, so if you are considering a vacation, now is a good time to buy those tickets, and fly off to a sunny clime. The journey can be as enjoyable as arriving at the destination.

Yup, that’s me, all right. The next part suggested that perserverence furthers, too. So I went. It was a good class, and I was glad I went. Nice to have an electronic sage at the ready.