I am currently enjoying a trip to the Maine coast. During the drive from the Portland Jetport last night, my stepfather was pointing out various points of interest — or rather, asking us to take on faith that they were there, given that they were obscured by darkness. We believe that he believes they’re there.
One of the more curious points of interest was a defunct business. Apparently, this guy had purchased a chunk of land and installed a bunch of mounds on it in anticipation of having a shooting range there. As it turned out, though, the mounds were actually toxic waste, and the guy in question had declared bankruptcy and probably blown town. Or at least, he should have blown town, because after you do something like installing a series of toxic mounds in a small New England community, it makes for some mighty awkward conversations down at the Hannaford when you run into your neighbors there.
One entertaining thing about New England, though, is that a bunch of smaller businesses spring up around various landmarks (geological, geographical, historical and otherwise) and name themselves after said landmarks. For example, at Walden Pond, one might expect to encounter Cantankerous Hermit Condominiums across the street. This got me thinking about what kinds of things might be available around this former aspiring Superfund site. Toxic Mound 7-eleven? Toxic Mound Square? (Although that’s more of a Somerville, Mass. thing, where every damn intersection is Some Joe Bag O’ Donuts Square.) Toxic Mound Junior High School?
This of course leads to wondering what the mascot might be. A six-legged ‘possum? Cerberus? A two-headed ‘possum with a football helmet on one head and the football in its other mouth?
Where did you graduate from?
Oh, Toxic Mound. Good ol’ TM. Those were the glory days.