So I was at a party the other night, and we were all talking about how one of our friends really hates to teach, but up until that very moment, had refused to admit it. Not that we think any less of him, of course. Teaching is not for everybody. It can be frustrating, and it doesn’t pay so well. Personally, I think it’s obvious from my career choices and postings that I hate money and I’m something of a masochist, so it’s a great fit for me. Hell, I find teaching rewarding and fun. Our friend, though, not so much. He also hates it when he has to interact with the great unwashed, the hoi polloi, the pestiferous waves of humanity. I’m with him on that one.

Some of you may remember from previous postings that I like people just fine, but I hate the public. They’re always voting wrong, driving like retards, and carrying diseases such as monkey pox. That’s a big part of why I worked “in the back” at the bike shop, and why I got all anxious when I was the closest person to a ringing phone. Oh no! What if I answered the phone, and someone from (gasp) The Public were calling?

Let me just clarify what I’m talking about here.

People: sometimes have hard days. The Public: is just out to get me.

People: are individuals. The Public: is a pulsating glob of pestilent humanity.

People: have names and faces. The Public: is a seething mass of faceless, nameless demanding rubes.

People: are nice. The Public: is a barely-contained evil mob.

People: call you up to say hello. The Public: calls your place of business just to flaunt the fact that you’re stuck there and to make your life a living hell.

People: are unique and interesting, and sometimes fragrant. The Public: is rude and smells like an unfortunate chew toy.

People: come to your door as visitors or guests. The Public: has pitchforks and torches, and knows how to use them.

People: enjoy music. The Public: will buy any piece of shiny plastic with some sort of boom-thumpa on it, and allow same to ooze from their cars at levels that rattle one’s fillings.

People: sometimes read. The Public: consumes The World Weekly News at such a rate that paparazzi drive themselves into weeping depression trying to feed it images of grainy celebrity cellulite.

People: have pets. The Public: are responsible for pet overpopulation, animal testing, and flushing baby alligators into the sewer.

You get the idea. I bet you have more, people!